Maybe this would have

Maybe this would have made you feel better

By Bishop Jesko

And you come to me
On that day
You tell me what has happened and how things are going to be
You finish your phrase
And look at me
And I see in your eyes that you are expecting something
You want to me to say that perfect thing
That will make this all blow over
That will help you sleep at night
That will make this day better
But I had nothing to say
I am a consumed man
What I feel I feel with my entire heart
And my whole being is still searching for my next word
Does it make you feel better that I’ve never stopped searching?
Ever since that day
I’ve taken up reading
I’ve watched some movies
I’ve gotten into ballet
And I even went to see an opera
I hope in every piece of art I consume
That I will find what I should’ve said
A perfect quote that would have put your fears to rest
maybe I’ll never stop searching
Or maybe this can be some sort of goodbye because
All this time and this is what I have left to say to you?
Every morning I pray I’ll wake up in that bed on that day
Maybe say something that would’ve kept you just one day longer?
God knows you’ve kept me for years on end
Please just know that I wish I had the perfect thing to say to you
Couldn’t that just be enough?
All that I have been
since that day
Is consumed
By endless thoughts
Of what could have been said
Does that make you feel better?
And I still don’t know how to end things
Even with an end as final as yours I still can’t let it rest
Of course I can’t write a good ending for a poem!
I couldn’t give you a happy one when it was all that mattered to me.