I’m not sorry

I’m not sorry

By Keyla Limones

I’m sorry if I’m pocha

The words that get stuck to the roof of my mouth as I try to stutter my way through English

And the Spanish word I know in English is at the tip of my tongue

Put yourself in my zapatos

Being in constant linguistic guerra

If I think Spanish

Then I must speak ingles

If I think in English 

Then I must be speaking español.

 

You know what, I’m not sorry for having trouble making myself understood by you

I am the result of your American dream

The hard work and sacrifice

And the long journey that brought me here

So what if I have trouble remembering what “ahi,” “ahy,” and “hai” mean on paper

I did it; I got an education

Please be proud of me!

 

No, I won’t forget my raizes

No, I promise my español will remain

Ay, no es para tanto.

I know the unknown is scary

I know the pocho/pocha change is scary

But that same tongue has given me warmth

Brought me to find community

Away from home, the same way you did

For me.

Ese o s

Salva mi lengua

That is mocha and pocha

Cultivate cambio and bring me closer to sabor

The spices that remind me 

I can roll my r’s or not

Y todavia soy Mexican enough.

 

Callate con tu “say it right”

¿Right pa’quien?

Pos asina I talk

If my abuela says “Walmart like “gualmar”

Then maybe English is the one with an accent.

 

I am pocha, mocha, chola, scholar,

Con sazón y sarcasmo.

Laugh at me if you want

I’m bilingual en las malas palabras too,

And trust me, those translate just fine.

 

This lengua is frontera:

A divided borderland

But strong enough pa’ cruzar la linea

And loud enough pa’ que me escuches.

 

So no, I won’t whisper an apology

Cada vez que mi tongue trips.

Better trip que stay quiet,

Better pocha than poser,

Better Spanglish than silence.

 

And if my grammar hurts your ears,

Pues ponte curitas.

My voice is not broken

It’s border-forged,

Y cada palabra que sale

Es una victoria contra el olvido.